MAD

Last night, my husband made me so mad that I decided to go ahead and go back to the neurologist so he could run his tests and confirm his clinical diagnosis.  But then, as my dear sweet Simone pointed out, it wouldn't really matter if I had an actual diagnosis, which would explain things better to Richard, because he would be totally unsympathetic and say that I was just using "MS" as an excuse.

Sigh...she's right.  It just made me so mad when he told me that I needed to stop taking whatever medication I was on because of what it's doing to me.  HELLO?!  What medication?  I'm not on any!  I'm just screwed up!!!

Sometimes I just can't help some of the things I do, the way I act, how I feel, etc.  If I could control these things, does he not think I would do something? 

Back to last night.  I was so mad and hurt and angry I slept in the other room, which is really stupid on my part because I don't sleep as well and my shoulder hurts.  But I decided that unless there is something specific that needs to be said to him, I'll just keep my idle chit-chat to myself.  There's no reason to converse with him unless it's about something specific.  Still makes me upset though...even just typing it here.

I found the following diagram last night on my phone and it points out so many areas that I'm having difficulties with.  Now I'm to the point where I need an official diagnosis so I know that I'm just not a bipolar person who has become antisocial on occasions for no reason, why I slur and/or mumble sometimes,  a  reason why I can't remember what was just discussed and then I turn around and ask about the same thing, why one of my ears and my neck have lost sensitivity, why I have electric "zingy" feelings down my back, why I itch insanely, etc.  The list goes on and on.

I'm going to put this away in a box as my friend Kim says.  No reason for me to continue to be upset and let it affect me.  Sounds good in theory, but I'm still mad!

Source:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_sclerosis