Neurologist

I called the neurologist, who I've seen since 1997, and told them I was ready to undergo the recommended testing only to learn he doesn't accept my health insurance.  DANG!  So I called the neurologist that they referred me to only to be told that my primary care physician would have to refer me to the new neurologist and that their office would have the correct forms for referral.  I called my primary care physician and asked them to refer me to this new neurologist and the nurse told me I just needed to call the new doctor to set up an appointment and then call my old doctor to request records.  I firmly explained to her that I'd already spoken to both offices and that she had the forms to make the referral.  She was not happy that she would have to make the referral so I asked if I needed to make an appointment to come see the doctor, which was a waste of his time and mine since I know what I need and who I need to see.  She sighed quite dramatically and said she'd get the referral made Monday.  JEEZ....I finally decide to go through with this and I run into roadblocks all the way!

I moved all my stuff back to my room and Richard questioned what on earth I was doing.  I told him that I was moving back to my bed!  I also told him that I was in the process of seeing the doctor and that if I receive an official diagnosis, it really won't change anything.  I also told him that IF he gets the bright idea of dumping me ever or drops me from his insurance....I will make him pay through the nose!

Do I like him tonight?  Nope.  Do I feel better?  Nope.  But I will sleep better!!!

Frustration

So I tried to talk to Richard tonight and he totally shot me down as far as conversing goes.  When I brought up the comments he made last week, he asked..."well, are you on something?"  I guess it's back to Julia's room.  

Weird

So I'm still sleeping in Julia's room.  Yeah - I know I tend to carry a grudge, but that's just me.  One of these days Richard will ask what I'm upset about and I'll lay it on him!

I woke up last night with the weirdest itching on my left foot.  It was awful!  I had intense itching from where my toes adjoined my foot down to the tips of my toes.  I could have drawn a line on my foot to indicate where the itching was and wasn't.  I stumbled to be bathroom, in my melatonin induced haze, and found the tube of hydrocortizone, which I used the majority of.  I laid back down and couldn't stop the itch.  I wondered if I had athlete's foot all of a sudden, but my feet looked perfectly normal, other than scratch marks.  I told my self I wouldn't scratch anymore, but I just couldn't stop.  I wondered if I'd caught something from Julia's bed.  I got back up and drug my feet repeatedly across the carpet in an attempt to stop the incessant itch.  Finally, I grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and decided since nothing else was working, I'd freeze those stupid nerve endings that were obviously causing the itch!  Sure enough, after about 20 minutes, the itching stopped and my foot was completely frozen.  I actually fell asleep with the ice pack on my foot and it didn't bother me at all....which is surprising because after all, who likes an ice pack directly on their skin for any length of time.

I'm anxious so see if this new found remedy works on other itches or if it was just a one time thing!

MAD

Last night, my husband made me so mad that I decided to go ahead and go back to the neurologist so he could run his tests and confirm his clinical diagnosis.  But then, as my dear sweet Simone pointed out, it wouldn't really matter if I had an actual diagnosis, which would explain things better to Richard, because he would be totally unsympathetic and say that I was just using "MS" as an excuse.

Sigh...she's right.  It just made me so mad when he told me that I needed to stop taking whatever medication I was on because of what it's doing to me.  HELLO?!  What medication?  I'm not on any!  I'm just screwed up!!!

Sometimes I just can't help some of the things I do, the way I act, how I feel, etc.  If I could control these things, does he not think I would do something? 

Back to last night.  I was so mad and hurt and angry I slept in the other room, which is really stupid on my part because I don't sleep as well and my shoulder hurts.  But I decided that unless there is something specific that needs to be said to him, I'll just keep my idle chit-chat to myself.  There's no reason to converse with him unless it's about something specific.  Still makes me upset though...even just typing it here.

I found the following diagram last night on my phone and it points out so many areas that I'm having difficulties with.  Now I'm to the point where I need an official diagnosis so I know that I'm just not a bipolar person who has become antisocial on occasions for no reason, why I slur and/or mumble sometimes,  a  reason why I can't remember what was just discussed and then I turn around and ask about the same thing, why one of my ears and my neck have lost sensitivity, why I have electric "zingy" feelings down my back, why I itch insanely, etc.  The list goes on and on.

I'm going to put this away in a box as my friend Kim says.  No reason for me to continue to be upset and let it affect me.  Sounds good in theory, but I'm still mad!

Source:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_sclerosis

MSConnection

I somehow got on this mailing list and started receiving a magazine every once in a while.

http://www.nationalmssociety.org/chapters/TXH/index.aspx

There's an article entitled "Evidence Supports Autoimmune Nature of Neuromyelitis Optica (NMO), an MS Mimic" in the Summer 2010 issue.  After reading the article, I looked up NMO and found that there is no cure for it.  So I'm not sure why they took up the space to put this story out there for people who suspect they might possibly have MS or even have a diagnosed case of MS because it doesn't really help them in any form or fashion. 

I'm only blogging about this so I can reference it in the future and throw my magazine away. 

Makes ya wonder why I'm taking up blog space about this when I just slammed the magazine for taking up space with the article!

Nuts

I've decided that I'm nuts, bonkers, delusional, crazy, whatever.  I couldn't possibly have MS.  Nope.  Don't have it.  I've created health problems because I've read about them on MS websites.  I am obviously a victim of the power of suggestion - comments made by doctors. Optic neuritis twice?  It's a fluke thing.  I don't have itches that drive me out of my mind caused by anything other than things in my environment that cause itching....possibly allergies.  I'm tired all the time because I'm a mother and wife, I work full time and take on extra work when needed for other law offices - I'm just overextending myself.  See?  There really IS an explanation for everything!

I think my husband is nuts too.  He informed me last night that I needed to put my health insurance cards in my wallet instead of leaving them on the kitchen table...just in case something happens to me.  When I scratch non-stop, get fed up, state "I'm not scratching anymore", and end up scratching like crazy, he whispers to me "scratch, scratch, scratch".  See?  I'm not the only crazy person in my house.

Itchy

***DISCLAIMER - KINDA GROSS***

I AM TIRED OF ITCHING!!!

The itching on my head is getting better, but my legs are driving me nuts.

The back of my legs are covered in scabs.

I continually knock the scabs off because I have to scratch.

My sheets are blood stained because I apparently scratch in my sleep.

My husband probably thinks I have cooties or something because I'm always scratching.

Benadryl doesn't work.

Hydrocortizone doesn't work.

Lotion doesn't work.

GGGGGGRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!