Rant

It was recently pointed out to me that I've been very unconcerned, blasé, and nonchalant about the whole MS thing.  It was also pointed out by another person that I have made it abundantly clear that I was tired of people making a big deal about me being diagnosed with M.S. 

I am well aware that people live full lives with MS.  I'm also well aware that it isn't a death sentence.  Furthermore, I'm a believer of mind over matter as well as garbage in garbage out.  I'm also a fighter so I'll battle MS with everything I've got.  I tell myself that this is really no big deal over and over.  It's just a speed bump along life's highway.  I tell people the same thing.

For anyone who actually reads my blog, please let me make this perfectly clear:  I am really scared to death by this diagnosis!  The last thing I want is pity, but at the same time, I don't want people to act as if everything is the same...because its not!   M.S. has consumed my life and it is always in the back of my mind.  Richard and I talk about it often.  I question if I'm doing things because of M.S.  If I've conveyed fearlessness in this, let me assure you that is very far from the truth.  Often times I bury my head in the sand when it comes to difficult things in my life.  But I'm afraid this is one thing that will still be there when I wipe off the sand.   

I realize that there really is a reason that I'm moody and antisocial.  I'm not the outgoing person I once was.  Some might laugh at that (talking about hubby here), but at one time, I was the first one out the door dragging anyone along who was available.  I'm also aware that there is a reason I can't remember crap ("cog fog" as 'they' call it) and sometimes say the wrong words.  There really is a reason I'm always stumbling into doorways and furniture.  The important thing is that people in my life realize these things aren't something I can control.

This blog is for me - not for you.  It is my one place to vent without criticism.  It's my one place to make notes for future reference as I can't ever remember anything. 

I'm really just trying to come to terms with all of this and don't mean to come across as neurotic or offend anyone. 

I'm just me.